The Struggle
One of the challenging things about having an extraordinary outside the box child is the lack of knowledge the world has to offer you.
Friends and family members don’t know what to say and try to reassure you everything will be ok. You hear things like: She is making so much progress, he will talk soon, she just needs a little structure, I know my friend’s daughter couldn’t walk until she was 20 months and she is fine now don’t worry, he’ll be fine. As the parent you’re either overwhelmed and choose to put your head in the sand which is totally understandable or you are overwhelmed and go a-wall on a hunt for any doctor or specialist to point you in a direction. I am sure there are endless reactions parents have that I couldn’t begin to put into words. When I look back it blows my mind to think of the manic state I was in during my “discovery” period.. The state I am still in perhaps. The thing about hunting down all those doctors is that depending on what is going on they may truly have NO idea what to say or which direction to point you. Of course that is only my opinion but it seems educated guesses are exactly that at the end of the day. A guess. I have become frustrated with the guess work and pills and try this (which you’re already doing) or try that (which you’re already doing) or try this which is like moving the family to the moon.. It is a rabbit hole of money and time as your child starts growing up without you sitting on the floor and just doing what a parent is truly supposed to do: playing with and spending time simply enjoying your child. It pisses me off. To think of the hours I spent chasing a better outcome and empty promises. The reality is I know if I went back I would do it again and maybe even harder if I had the chance. It’s just my way. I am a mountain climber, a runner, a cup half full, find a way type of person. I still haven’t found a way. I am still fighting with God or Nature, or whatever name you want to put on the mystery of life and living. I still sit in the sun and wonder is this difference of my daughter is what life is all about. Cherishing beauty and loving through storms and focus, drive, power, powerless. The beauty and the thorn. Chaos and peace. Struggle and light. In 6 days my daughter turns 13 years old. Will I still be struggling to accept her difference when she turns 20, 25, 45, 65? I’m not sure. But every day I’m trying and every day I say to her: How did I get so lucky to be your mom? And it’s true. Life sure does have a way of pulling you to your knees and forcing you to look to the sky.
